Monday, November 3, 2014

Beer & Guns: Don't mess with Texas home brewers!

 Oh yeah that's that pre-brew right there!

 Professional equipment, they don't mess around in Texas.

 Hops that look like artillery, what is going on here? Oh its German. 

Sweet sweet nectar of the gods.  

This push-broom on the left is Texas home brewer extraordinaire Mike Jordan and his lovely wife Lisa.

The interview with the beerpire

Me: So...

Mike: So how do you know Kat? (my daughter).

Me: (I thought I was asking the questions here... way to take charge of the interview Dylan)

Me again, or me actually talking outloud: I met Kat during Fun Fun Fun fest in Austin, we did a show together at the Velveeta room. 

Mike: Ha, I think that might be her favorite place in the whole world. 

Me: Its a nice club, and Kat is hilarious. 

Me again: I was warned not to use the word Obama around you, is that for my own safety?

Mike: THAT SON OF A BITCH. Have you ever heard of blood eagle torture done by the vikings?

Me: Nope.

Mike: (Continues to tell me in graphic detail how the vikings used to torture people) PERSONALLY I THINK EVERYONE OF THOSE LIBERAL... 

Me: (I'll spare you the expletives).

Me again: So Mike what level of home-brewing are we talking here? 

Mike: Well I started with the kits, I have a technical mind, I'm big into guns and I load my own ammo. Its the same technical thinking process that goes into brewing. 
We have a chest freezer called a Keezer and we keep three kegs tapped at a time. 

Me: Seems like quite a bit of beer?

Mike: There was a law passed in 1978, only good thing a democrat ever did that was worth a damn. It allows for a home brewer to make 100 gallons per year, 150 gallons if you're married. I don't know who checks on this sort of thing but we make a hell of a lot more than that I'll tell ya. 

Me: So what have you concocted recently?

Mike: We made a pumpkin ale with 6 lbs of real pumpkin that we roasted in the oven ourselves. We also made a vanilla whiskey porter that included 8 oz of single malt whiskey from San Antonio. We make a lot of mead as well, and we don't mess around, we used 15 lbs of honey to make a 5 gallon batch.  

Me: Have you seen the documentary The Vanishing Of The Bees? ( I didn't actually ask this, I was just thinking it in my brain).

Me again: In your opinion what are the best breweries in the Austin area?

Mike: Guadalupe Brewing (his white guy pronunciation of Guadalupe was hilarious) they make a Texas honey braggot, its a combination of beer and mead, its super thick and infused with a ton of honey. 
Also Circle Brewing. They make a hef called Circle Blur, its one of the best beers around. 

Me: I've always wondered this, maybe you know the answer. Which city originated the the slogan was it Keep Portland Weird or Keep Austin Weird? 

Mike: I don't know but it fits, everyone in Austin IS freakin' weird. 

Me: Do you like to experiment? What's the strangest beer concoction you've brewed yourself?

Mike: Last winter we made a black cherries & cinnamon smoked porter, it turned out very nice. We also made a sweet and spicy chocolate and ghost pepper that was sort of in between a stout and a porter. 

Me: This next question comes from out of left field, where my mind is often located. Do you feel partially responsible for Kat's poor career choice to become a standup comedian?

Mike: Hahahaha, No not at all, we tried to guide her in the right direction but it just didn't work. She was 14 when I married her mom, and she's always been the type to just do whatever it is she sets her mind towards. The biggest perk is she gets us free tickets to big comedians and music concerts that come through town haha so I can't complain about her being a comedian too much. 

Me: True. You're a lucky guy, Kat's pretty awesome. 

Here's a video of comedian, and home brewer's daughter, Kat Ramzinski, oh its not just any video, it's a music video where she raps about Tecate! 

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