Saturday, August 8, 2015

Are You A Beer Ticker? 10 Things I Hate About You


Maybe I should have titled this 10 things I hate about me, because I fear I may becoming somewhat of a beer ticker, which consequently might be turning me into a bit of a snob. Let's have a man to man, or man to woman, or person to person (covering all my bases here), chat. Now be honest, are you still the beer drinking enthusiast you were when you began this journey into beer-geekdom? Or have you transformed into a label collector, a tradesman, or a beerleontologist of sorts?

What is a beer ticker? The term's origin began in England. Obviously. Ticker... You wanna have a go on my skipping rope gov'na? But whether you call them tickers, searchers, collectors, traders, or snobs, its all circumstantial.  Do I sound like I'm about to do some serious shit talk, probably. Why am I allowed? Because its self deprecation,  I have found myself turning into something I detest. A beer ticker. Its like when its okay for the unpopular to label themselves nerds...you get where I'm coming from.  As the saying goes, "it takes one to know one," and I feel like my beer-ducation has been growing my elitist views.


The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Don't worry! This has nothing to do with AA (me, quit drinking? Ha!). The problem I have involves the type of beer drinker I've become. So here are 10 things I hate, a.k.a. 10 things to work on:

1. Its worth drinking buds, to spend time with buds
Gag, sorry, just a reflex. Nobody likes a buzzkill. So keep your beer snobbin' comments to yourself at parties and get-togethers. If all there is to drink is Miller High Life, guess what, it's the champagne of beers for you, and keep you mouth shut about it.


2. Its a drink not a trophy
Getting your hands on rarities is awesome. But its nothing to brag about. You should be sharing your treasures with your friends not gloating over the beers in your basement that no one will ever drink.


3. Sometimes you need to choose quantity over quality
Beer keeps getting more and more expensive. I've spend $33 on a howler (320z), $26 on a mixed 6-pack, and $30 on a bomber (22oz) and I've known many of people that have spent way more than this. Unless you have money to burn, sometimes its more important to buy four cases of PBR for a BBQ, rather than four 220z bombers that everyone gets only a small taste of.


4. Normally people don't give a shit about ABV or IBU
If you're having a beer enthusiast convo, that's one thing, but don't perpetuate the geek stereotype by boring non-beer lovers with stats on ABV and IBU levels.


5. Its okay to drink a beer more than once
Do you love Untappd? I do! But let's not forget how enjoyable it is to find a beer you love and drink it over and over again.


6. No matter how much you train your taste buds, it doesn't mean what you like is the best
Taste is subjective. Even sommeliars will tell you, people like what they like. Don't ever judge people for liking beers that you don't, or not liking ones that you do...even if it is Budweiser.


7. Hey sheep! You don't have to like it just because it has high ratings and reviews
If you don't like Pliny, you don't like Pliny. Don't pretend just to fit in. If you'd rather have a Heineken, be real about it.


8. Sometimes you should drink wine, or a cocktail, or god forbid...water
If you're reading this, you can probably agree that beer is the best. And you can probably make a solid argument for why it should be included in any and every occasion. But that's the thing: dicks argue. If the event calls for a different beverage, roll with it.


9. Its okay to rate more than one beer a perfect score
Its hilarious to read posts or reviews like "this beer is amazing", or "absolutely delicious", and then they rate it 3.5 out of 5 stars. It's okay to rate every beer that is super delicious a perfect 5. No need to Bogart high rating scores.


10. So what if it's rare, aged, and hard to find, its just beer
If you have beer in a glass case that isn't serving to keep it at a certain temperature, haha, you might be a beer-neck. If you have dates marked on your calendar for when to open beers you are aging, you might be a beer-neck. If you are taking offense to these redneck style jokes or any of the above-mentioned things that I hate, you might be a beer-neck. Chill out, there's nothing wrong with our passion for beer, as long as we aren't acting like our shit smells better than Coors Light drinker's...Coors Light. People will like you more, you'll like yourself more.  Stop judging people, and stop judging beer with anything beyond your five senses.